A Love Story

For the sake of an informed meeting with a doctor, many write down a long list of questions to prepare for the appointment. I am not one of them.  I have just one essential inquire that will answer my concerns.  Whatever medication the doctor prescribes or procedure the medical professional recommends, I ask “can I have wine with that?”

Because I love that beautiful bottle of alcohol —  red, white, or bubbly, I adore them all.  After my alarm goes off, my first thought is what kind of fermented grape, in which glass, and in what room will I imbibe my good friend tonight?  It is the wine version of Clue.  Bonus bet, will I take my coat off first?  

It’s not just the actual high I get from a drink that makes me come back for more.  I also get a buzz romancing the wine —  entering the store, pacing the narrow aisles, checking out the inventory.  I feel loved;  the bottles stand in attention hoping I’ll bring one of them home.  Pick me! Pick me!  

While I am no oenophile, I like to pretend I am.  In this role, I engage the salesperson to see whom he will set me up with on a blind drink.

“Can I help you?”

“Yes, I am looking for a sweet white wine from upstate New York.”  In this performance as wine connoisseur, I am also a supporter of my home state.

“We just got a lovely riesling from the Finger Lakes, has a hint of white peach, smooth finish, and floral aroma.”

Like I could ever taste just the dash of white peach.  If you blindfolded me, I could not tell the difference between a California Chardonnay or an expired Mott’s apple juice.  But, I do my best Eric(a) Asimov, “White peach adds such a wonderful bouquet.”  And, I buy it.

How this conversation should really go. . . . .

“Can I help you?”

“I am having a real crappy day.  What wine will get me to feel that I am not that mad at my husband?”

My mom who asked me, “what wine goes with penicillin?” (the answer is Rose, zesty and fruity so it has vitamin C too), shared with me the most important wine-buying information — alcohol content.  That figure should be above 12.5 %.   When I am honest with myself, that is the most important criteria I use in selecting a bottle.

What’s better than drinking and shopping for wine?  Consuming those medicinal grapes with people who share the love of this liquid. I met a group of women who shared my love of the wine when I was in the final days of my pregnancy.  I was taking a mandatory parent to be series; that night’s subject: breastfeeding taught by an earnest lactation consultation.  We were a flock of tired, bitchy, and most important, close to nine months of sobriety, women.  After pretty much the same question was re-asked, the lactation consultant seemed more like a White House press secretary than a breastfeeding guru.  “Ladies, ladies, enough!  Let’s move onto other questions.”  The important inquiries were: how much wine could you safely drink before breastfeeding?  When would you have to pump and dump?  How much time needs to pass after you have a few before you can breastfeed? Can you drink while you breastfeed or is that like driving under the influence, a class A misdemeanor? It was a privilege to be in the same room as this gaggle of pregos.  We went our separate ways after that night but I felt like they were my long lost separated at birth siblings.

Or, there’s my friend that has a glass of wine waiting for me when I am late to meet her at the bar.  I take a sip before I say hello, sometimes.  She is not offended, she gets me.  Or, my pal who actually is a wine connoisseur.  She took me to a wine tasting, and against my seemingly religious beliefs, I was required to spit out the sample of wine.  For one wine in particular, she whispered “don’t spit that one out.”

There are times I wonder if maybe, just maybe, I have a “problem” or I am something that starts with an a and ends with c.  (I cannot even say the word).  I have heard that if you think you are “aromatic” then you probably are.  I also read that it is safe for women to have five ounces of a wine daily.  So, I measured. It’s a sip.  Pretty scarey.  Perhaps, I am an “antarctic”.

In my google search about how to know if you are “archaic”, I discovered that doctors know that patients take liberties in the answer to the question how much do you drink on a weekly basis. I want to have a drink with those people.

I get a lot of joy from drinking. So, I am okay with living in denial. And, I will have a big glass of wine with a high alcohol content in my hand.